I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
