I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
