How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize