I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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