She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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