carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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