I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
