Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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