My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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