i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
