whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
