I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
