I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
