So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
