a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize