HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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