wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can text with my tongue
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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