Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
