I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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