I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
be right there i have to get my cape
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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