did you get engaged???
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
