We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
