I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
