I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
