i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
