accomplished twins. life is a go
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
