In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
