the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
