Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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