if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
