I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
