textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
