you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
