Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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