I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
