When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
