At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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