omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
