Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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