You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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