I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
