everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
