Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
