mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
