I wannas sexs uuuuu
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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