It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize