Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
