it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fuck appropriateness.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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