I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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