you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
