Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
