oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
