did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize