what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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