and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
