Girls should come with a carfax report
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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