If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize