i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
