your parents love me but you hate me
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
