The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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