wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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