Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
