I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
