the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
