i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
