Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
