Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
