I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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