I feel great
I just peed on a car
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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