HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
