I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
