YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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