You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize