i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
