I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
