Soap is not a condiment
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
