Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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