dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
