Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
