I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
