Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
