its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
