I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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