i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my mouth tastes like poor choices
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Brb crying the tears of my youth
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
