i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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