god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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