woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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