Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
