the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
