But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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