haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
