Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize