Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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