Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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